


I Am All the Daughters of My Father's House

by Thistlerose



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Collection: Purimgifts Day 2, F/M, Family, Implied Sexual Content, Names, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 23:59:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6261073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thistlerose/pseuds/Thistlerose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's never any question about giving up the name Organa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Am All the Daughters of My Father's House

**Author's Note:**

  * For [angel_vixen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_vixen/gifts).



There's no question of Leia taking the name Skywalker. Luke never even suggests it, though she can see it in his eyes sometimes, that need for acknowledgement, for connection, for belonging. He doesn't want to be the only Skywalker left in the galaxy. 

She understands, even if he never says the words. He's her _twin_ ; of course she understands. All he's wanted, his whole life, is to be part of a family. He was so desperate, he went looking for the good in _Darth Vader._ The thought fills her with unholy fury, and at the same time makes her want to curl up in a ball and weep. 

Her _twin brother._

But she doesn't want to give up being Organa.

 

Han brings it up once, jokingly, but she quells him with such a look that his face actually turns a bit gray and he shoves his hands into his pockets, mumbling, "Sorry. Forget I ever mentioned it." 

He starts to turn away and two weeks ago Leia might have just let him go, but things have changed between them since Endor. They've become much more honest with each other; she knows now how her sharp words sometimes wound him, and he's aware - or becoming aware - of what it's safe to joke about. Family isn't one. Not yet anyway.

Leia catches him by the sleeve, saying, "Han, wait--" and he pivots so quickly they smack into each other, and end up laughing ruefully in each other's arms. 

"I guess you'll always be a princess," he says as he tenderly tucks the hair back behind her ears.

Well, no, she thinks. She hasn't thought of herself as a princess since the destruction of Alderaan, but she doesn't feel like arguing anymore. Not about this, anyway. He's stroking her temples with his fingertips and smiling, and all she wants is to enjoy this peace they've managed to bring about. Though there are some who would argue, she supposes, that Han and Leia's version of peace can be a little warlike, at least in the bedroom.

 

She doesn't take Han's name, even after she marries him. He doesn't seem offended. "Why would you want my name?" he asks when she tells him her decision. "There's nothing special about the name Solo. Take it, leave it." His gray eyes glint with sudden mischief. "Just so long as you take the rest of me…"

She does. Repeatedly.

 

When Ben is born, though, she decides to give him his father's name. She thinks of it as a gift to Han, who makes a half-hearted attempt to appear indifferent - "How can you have two Solos?" he quips, already a bit red-faced because he knows she knows where this is going, and it's nowhere good, "Wouldn't that make us, I don't know, a Duet or something?" - but she can tell by his eyes that he's utterly delighted.

"I'm looking to the future," Leia tells him, brushing Ben's tiny pink ears. "Not the past."

And, yes, that's true. But there's a secret part of her, a dark part, perhaps, that's reluctant to share the name Organa - even with her own flesh and blood. She can't explain it to Luke or Han.

Maybe she'll be able to explain it to Ben when he's older. Maybe by the time she can put it into words, he'll be old enough to understand about the curious mixture of pride and guilt she feels at being the only Organa left in the galaxy, and why she can't just let that go. 

She doesn't entirely blame herself for failing to protect Alderaan. That was Grand Moff Tarkin's decision, and Vader stood by and let it happen. But if she'd died with the crew of the _Tantive IV,_ instead of being taken prisoner… If she'd thrown herself on Tarkin's mercy… Not that there was ever a merciful bone in his body, but who knows? Perhaps the sight of a proud woman, begging on her knees would have been enough to distract him from flexing the Empire's military muscle. Pointless speculation, of course. And every time she starts down that path, she hears the voice of her father - her _real_ father, Bail Organa - chiding her for self-indulgence. But she still feels the need to do penance. 

It's been years, but dreams of Alderaan silently exploding before her eyes still rip her from her sleep.

She'll know absolution when she finds it.

In the meantime, names are important.

Maybe her son will understand.


End file.
